If Only I Had A Better Team

I remember co-workers and managers saying things like, “if only I didn’t have to work with so and so;” or “I wish I had a better team to work with.”

“If we had a team with [more motivation, better skills, a different personality, …insert whatever problem…] this whole project would be better.”

These comments, often muttered under one's breath but also perpetuated through gossip or during the breaks following a meeting—where no one spoke up inside the meeting room, but outside the meeting problems were voiced with the eloquence and flow of an opera singer—in the one-off conversations behind a cubicle wall.

These comments are only the negative ones about the team, or lack thereof, without even touching on the plethora of other negative complaints that often spilled outside the conference room. Judgements about this colleague or that, people upset with the chain of command or decisions that had been made. All devolving into negative emotions of frustration, anger, fear, disappointment, and shame, just to name a few...

A sharp reminder from one boss: “There’s no ‘I’ in team!” while in the same moment purposely withholding important details from the small team being referenced.

A memo about a new policy that was decided only by top leaders but impacts everyone.

Why is this so difficult? Aren’t the negative emotions justified? Why are teams often the bane of our existence? And, isn’t this just how it goes?

We all remember the team picks in elementary school...waiting eagerly to be picked for dodgeball and praying not to be the last one chosen. It’s ingrained in us—wanting so desperately to be part of the team yet dreading the consequences of one. Trying to stand out as an individual, as we are taught from a young age, and also pretending to be a team player as best we can.

On the other hand, teams can be a great source of joy and growth. Like for my sister who was an All-Star softball player all through elementary and into high school. The bonding and friendships she made. The skills she learned and carried with her for two successful careers.

The number one reason teams don’t work—or we don’t think they work is because of: judgment.

If you think back to your most recent challenge within a group, I guarantee YOU were judging yourself for not being good enough, smart enough, thorough enough, efficient enough, etc. And because you were judging yourself in this situation, guess what you probably assumed—others were judging you...because, guess what...you were judging them!

On top of this, you may have also been judging the situation such as the time or location of the meeting or the lack of notice or preparation time, you name it.

It’s all just one huge ball of judgment coming from multiple angles. No wonder team dynamics feel so hard, emotional, and draining.

These patterns of thinking—negative thinking—get etched in our brains. After one, two, 50 team efforts that don’t go smoothly, you’ve built up a direct path to judgment and disappointment about the concept without even realizing it.

So how do we overcome this? The first step is recognizing that we each individually do this to one degree or another. We must take ownership for our own thoughts and feelings and start to recognize when they come up for us and then intercept them with a new way of thinking that comes from a different region of our brain. One that opens the direct lines of communication to curiosity, compassion, empathy, and purpose.

It’s called Positive Intelligence and anyone at any age or stage of life can learn to access their Sage (positive mind) wisdom on a more regular basis with a little strengthening of the mind’s muscles.

If you and your team are struggling to take the “I” out of it and want to be more intentional—not just with new insight on what you know you should already know and try to practice implementing better, but actually lifting weights with the muscles in the brain to re-write neural pathways so that is becomes automatic, mental fitness through Positive Intelligence is for you. Your work will benefit, your performance will increase, your relationships (professional and personal) will improve, and best of all your happiness will soar.

To find out how you can improve your relationships and soar your own level of happiness, hit reply and I’ll send you a link to schedule a short call with me. I’m also hosting a PQ demo through my Relax Break series each Thursday in April at 10:30 AM PT/1:30 PM ET. Experience it for yourself!